Mark Cheverton, New York Tiimes Bestselling Author, has published these stories on his website and the links are below. Mr. Cheverton taught us so much about how to write stories that are fun to read. These stories are amazing!
**Here's the location of Lexi's story,
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-from-lexi-great-job/
Tell her she gets two thumbs-up.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-from-lexi-great-job/
Tell her she gets two thumbs-up.
**Nice work Westyn
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-by-westyn-nice-work/
Mark
**Good work Jayden!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-jayden/
Mark
**Great job Colleen. I like the way you added in the sounds of the chains and the great descriptions.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-one-from-colleen/
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-one-from-colleen/
Mark
**Great job, Hayden. Nothing like a good superhero battle. Keep writing! I want to see Batman vs. Spiderman.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-superhero-battle-by-hayden/
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-superhero-battle-by-hayden/
Mark
**Hi Easton, great job on the story.
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-creative-story-by-easton/
It proves what I’ve always said, if you’re being chased by a giant, 1 mile long snake, you don’t have to be faster than the snake, just faster than the slowest guy.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-creative-story-by-easton/
It proves what I’ve always said, if you’re being chased by a giant, 1 mile long snake, you don’t have to be faster than the snake, just faster than the slowest guy.
Mark
**Hi Grant,
Excellent baseball story.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-baseball-story-by-grant/
Here’s one of my favorite baseball stories: https://youtu.be/1xWtysMlrcA.
You should also look for The Hector Quesadilla Story . . . It’s another great baseball story
Mark
Excellent baseball story.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-baseball-story-by-grant/
Here’s one of my favorite baseball stories: https://youtu.be/1xWtysMlrcA.
You should also look for The Hector Quesadilla Story . . . It’s another great baseball story
Mark
**Nice job Autumn!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-by-autumn/
I like it, but what happens if the lion gets hungry in the middle of the night? :-)
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-by-autumn/
I like it, but what happens if the lion gets hungry in the middle of the night? :-)
Mark
**Great story Payton.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-basketball-story-by-payton/
If you like basketball stories, you should look for Kwame Alexander’s basketball story called “Crossover”. You might like it.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-basketball-story-by-payton/
If you like basketball stories, you should look for Kwame Alexander’s basketball story called “Crossover”. You might like it.
Mark
**Hi Evan,
Cool story, I liked that it was Santa at the end. Clever twist.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-elf-story-by-evan/
Mark
Cool story, I liked that it was Santa at the end. Clever twist.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-elf-story-by-evan/
Mark
**Nice work Waylan!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-waylans-story/
Keep writing and watch out for creepers.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-waylans-story/
Keep writing and watch out for creepers.
Mark
**Breanna,
I like your story, especially the two characters deciding to be good instead of evil.
http://markcheverton.com/take-a-look-at-a-good-vs-evil-story-by-breanna/
Mark
I like your story, especially the two characters deciding to be good instead of evil.
http://markcheverton.com/take-a-look-at-a-good-vs-evil-story-by-breanna/
Mark
**Hi Breanna,
Nice job. Lightning dudes . . . that was funny.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-breanna-ws-story/
Mark
Nice job. Lightning dudes . . . that was funny.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-breanna-ws-story/
Mark
**Nice Job, Landon. Cool Creeper King story!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-about-the-creeper-king-from-landon/
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-about-the-creeper-king-from-landon/
**Cody,
Awesome football story, I loved the ending.
http://markcheverton.com/cool-football-story-by-cody/
Mark
Awesome football story, I loved the ending.
http://markcheverton.com/cool-football-story-by-cody/
Mark
**Hi Charlie,
What a creative story, from the point of view of the tree . . . super cool!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-charlies-christmas-story/
Mark
What a creative story, from the point of view of the tree . . . super cool!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-charlies-christmas-story/
Mark
**Great job, Nick, I can’t wait to see what comes next.
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-an-exciting-beginning-by-nick/
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-an-exciting-beginning-by-nick/
Mark
**Gabriel,
great story, it’s posted here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-gabriel/
I like how you slowly reveal that the story is from a cat’s point of view, clever!
Mark
great story, it’s posted here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-gabriel/
I like how you slowly reveal that the story is from a cat’s point of view, clever!
Mark
**Hi Jake,
Great job. I love One-Eyed Willy. Is that the same pirate in Goonies? That’s one of my favorite movies.
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-story-about-my-favorite-pirate-one-eyed-willy-written-by-jake/
Mark
Great job. I love One-Eyed Willy. Is that the same pirate in Goonies? That’s one of my favorite movies.
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-story-about-my-favorite-pirate-one-eyed-willy-written-by-jake/
Mark
**Darien,
I liked your story, especially Fluffy.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-darien/
Mark
I liked your story, especially Fluffy.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-darien/
Mark
**Cool story, Trevor. I like it!
http://markcheverton.com/another-great-story-about-the-creeper-king-by-trevor/
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/another-great-story-about-the-creeper-king-by-trevor/
Mark
**Hi Connor,
Love the giant chicken story, CLUCK . . . CLUCK . . . CLUCK!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-giant-chicken-story-by-conner/
Mark
Love the giant chicken story, CLUCK . . . CLUCK . . . CLUCK!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-giant-chicken-story-by-conner/
Mark
**Hi Aralyn,
You did a fantastic job. I loved the STOMP, STOMP, STOMP. That’s actually a technique used is mystery and suspense books, called the “ticking clock”. Everything is always more exciting when you can hear them coming, or you can hear the countdown clock ticking. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-aralyn/
Mark
You did a fantastic job. I loved the STOMP, STOMP, STOMP. That’s actually a technique used is mystery and suspense books, called the “ticking clock”. Everything is always more exciting when you can hear them coming, or you can hear the countdown clock ticking. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-aralyn/
Mark
**David,
Great story. Helping the homeless, not be giving them money, but giving them a job so they’ll feel good about themselves. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/an-uplifting-story-from-david/
Mark
Great story. Helping the homeless, not be giving them money, but giving them a job so they’ll feel good about themselves. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/an-uplifting-story-from-david/
Mark
**Hey Cash,
I loved the part about the long ears and the robot. Cool story.
I think I vote for . . . ???
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-cash/
Mark
I loved the part about the long ears and the robot. Cool story.
I think I vote for . . . ???
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-cash/
Mark
**Jenna,
I really enjoyed this, especially the part about her “feet trembling, heart pounding.” Great job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-story-of-discovery-by-jenna/
I really enjoyed this, especially the part about her “feet trembling, heart pounding.” Great job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-story-of-discovery-by-jenna/
**Hi Sam,
Loved the story.
I really liked this part: the shadows slowly crept up the streets of the city.
Next time, add a description at the end, like The shadows slowly crept up the streets of the city like the relentless march of a shadowy army. That adds some visualization to the passage and draws readers into your story.
Great work.
http://markcheverton.com/great-battle-scene-by-sam/
Mark
Loved the story.
I really liked this part: the shadows slowly crept up the streets of the city.
Next time, add a description at the end, like The shadows slowly crept up the streets of the city like the relentless march of a shadowy army. That adds some visualization to the passage and draws readers into your story.
Great work.
http://markcheverton.com/great-battle-scene-by-sam/
Mark
**Hi Allison,
Loved the Santa story and the sugar rush.
I really liked the unexpected twist at the end, having Santa expand to the South Pole, cool idea!
http://markcheverton.com/cool-santa-story-by-allison/
Mark
Loved the Santa story and the sugar rush.
I really liked the unexpected twist at the end, having Santa expand to the South Pole, cool idea!
http://markcheverton.com/cool-santa-story-by-allison/
Mark
**Jake,
Another great one-eyed Willy story. Keep them coming!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-addition-to-the-one-eyed-willy-lore-by-jake/
Another great one-eyed Willy story. Keep them coming!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-addition-to-the-one-eyed-willy-lore-by-jake/
**Hi Charlee,
Cool story. I like the spooky feel to it.
You should think about, when the girl is in the forest, what does she see, or feel or hear. Maybe there are damp leaves on the ground and the air smells woody and full of the smells of oaks and maples (I have no idea what they smell like, but it helps the sentence.) You should always try to write what the character feels with all of their senses, it will draw the reader into your story.
Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-story-by-charlee/
Mark
Cool story. I like the spooky feel to it.
You should think about, when the girl is in the forest, what does she see, or feel or hear. Maybe there are damp leaves on the ground and the air smells woody and full of the smells of oaks and maples (I have no idea what they smell like, but it helps the sentence.) You should always try to write what the character feels with all of their senses, it will draw the reader into your story.
Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-story-by-charlee/
Mark
**Tira,
You did a great job with this story. I loved the battle and having
the Mom join into the game, that was a cool surprise.
In your next story, think about adding what the main character sees,
feels, smells, hears . . . use the senses to draw the reader into your
story.
Also, as the character is heading toward the last battle, crank up
the tension by showing what they are feeling, maybe afraid that they might
fail, or afraid of a bully, or excited, or whatever. You want to increase
the tension as you approach the final battle, and then make it look as if
the battle is lost, but the main character does some kind of trick to win.
This will make the reader sweat and think they're gonna lose, but then they
win at the end. It's a great way to increase the excitement.
Great work.
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-tira/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
You did a great job with this story. I loved the battle and having
the Mom join into the game, that was a cool surprise.
In your next story, think about adding what the main character sees,
feels, smells, hears . . . use the senses to draw the reader into your
story.
Also, as the character is heading toward the last battle, crank up
the tension by showing what they are feeling, maybe afraid that they might
fail, or afraid of a bully, or excited, or whatever. You want to increase
the tension as you approach the final battle, and then make it look as if
the battle is lost, but the main character does some kind of trick to win.
This will make the reader sweat and think they're gonna lose, but then they
win at the end. It's a great way to increase the excitement.
Great work.
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-tira/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
**Carson,
Nice Job, I can't wait to see what happens when TacoKiller gets
pulled back into Minecraft again.
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-story-by-carson/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
Nice Job, I can't wait to see what happens when TacoKiller gets
pulled back into Minecraft again.
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-story-by-carson/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
**HI Max,
I love the beginning of your story. It feels like a very spooky
beginning, but then the dog licks him in the face, that was a great hook to
get the reader interested . . . nice.
I notice you have the same problem I have when I write. You tend to
start a lot of sentences with the same word, He. I start a lot of sentences
with The, or with Gameknight999. They way I break this up is instead of
starting the sentence with a noun, I will occasionally start the sentence
with a verb.
Here's how I used to write:
He ran to the house and opened the door. He ran in and readied
himself for battle. He drew his sword as he glared at his enemy. He swung
his sword with all his might and destroyed him.
Here's how I would write this now, which is better:
He ran to the house and opened the door. Running into the home, he
readied himself for battle. He drew his sword and glared at his enemy.
Swinging his sword with all his might, he destroyed his enemy.
You see how I can alternate between starting with the noun (He) and
the action word (verb). Play around with this, it's a good strategy to
reduce repetition in your writing and will make it more exciting for the
reader.
Great work: your story is here:
http://markcheverton.com/an-exciting-story-from-max-great-work/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
I love the beginning of your story. It feels like a very spooky
beginning, but then the dog licks him in the face, that was a great hook to
get the reader interested . . . nice.
I notice you have the same problem I have when I write. You tend to
start a lot of sentences with the same word, He. I start a lot of sentences
with The, or with Gameknight999. They way I break this up is instead of
starting the sentence with a noun, I will occasionally start the sentence
with a verb.
Here's how I used to write:
He ran to the house and opened the door. He ran in and readied
himself for battle. He drew his sword as he glared at his enemy. He swung
his sword with all his might and destroyed him.
Here's how I would write this now, which is better:
He ran to the house and opened the door. Running into the home, he
readied himself for battle. He drew his sword and glared at his enemy.
Swinging his sword with all his might, he destroyed his enemy.
You see how I can alternate between starting with the noun (He) and
the action word (verb). Play around with this, it's a good strategy to
reduce repetition in your writing and will make it more exciting for the
reader.
Great work: your story is here:
http://markcheverton.com/an-exciting-story-from-max-great-work/
Keep reading and watch out for creepers.
Mark
**Shelby,
This is fantastic, I love the story.
Something to think about in your writing. When the protagonist, for example, goes into the cafeteria, what does it sound like, what does it smell like, try to make their fear have a physical components, like their nerves felt on fire, or cold sweat trickled down her neck. The more you use the character’s senses, the more the reader will be drawn into the story.
You should also add identifiers in your dialog. When I do two person dialog, I’ll identify the first person that is speaking, then have the next person, and go back and forth a big, then add another identifier in the middle, so that reader knows who’s talking. I get criticized by my editor about using identifiers, he said, she said . . . too much, and they always have to remove some of them. It’s a hard balance, finding the right amount of identifier, Zella said, Rosie said, in your story. I still haven’t figured that out.
Also, something I’ve recently been doing in my dialog is using contractions, for example: “We are going to go to the fort. It is a long way, but we will make it soon.” I don’t think that’s the way someone would really speak. Now I’d write, “We’re gonna go to the fort. It’s a long way, but we’ll make it soon.” That feels more natural to me, and so I’ve been adding the contractions to the dialog in the last few novels. But I use the non-contractions on the zombies or certain monsters, to give them a different style of speech. But think about if your character would use contractions or not. The talking should feel natural, and you need to decide what is best for your story.
Great work, I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-shelby-a-story-of-hope-and-determination/
This is fantastic, I love the story.
Something to think about in your writing. When the protagonist, for example, goes into the cafeteria, what does it sound like, what does it smell like, try to make their fear have a physical components, like their nerves felt on fire, or cold sweat trickled down her neck. The more you use the character’s senses, the more the reader will be drawn into the story.
You should also add identifiers in your dialog. When I do two person dialog, I’ll identify the first person that is speaking, then have the next person, and go back and forth a big, then add another identifier in the middle, so that reader knows who’s talking. I get criticized by my editor about using identifiers, he said, she said . . . too much, and they always have to remove some of them. It’s a hard balance, finding the right amount of identifier, Zella said, Rosie said, in your story. I still haven’t figured that out.
Also, something I’ve recently been doing in my dialog is using contractions, for example: “We are going to go to the fort. It is a long way, but we will make it soon.” I don’t think that’s the way someone would really speak. Now I’d write, “We’re gonna go to the fort. It’s a long way, but we’ll make it soon.” That feels more natural to me, and so I’ve been adding the contractions to the dialog in the last few novels. But I use the non-contractions on the zombies or certain monsters, to give them a different style of speech. But think about if your character would use contractions or not. The talking should feel natural, and you need to decide what is best for your story.
Great work, I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-by-shelby-a-story-of-hope-and-determination/
**Terry,
I really enjoyed the story, so sad when Dave was killed, that was a great scene!
I love it the way you had Dave come back, then shifted to Zelvor. You ended the chapter on a plot question, which adds to the tension, great job!
Remember, whenever possible, describe what the characters are feeling with their senses. For example, what does it smell like when a zombie is spawned? I wonder what it sounds like. And as the zombies claws dug into Dave’s armor, did the claws make a screeching sound? Or did he feel any pain? Was he sweating during the battle. These are all things you should try to add, so that you are Showing and not Telling. Make the character experience your adventure, and that way, the reader will experience it as well.
Keep up the good work, can’t wait to see what happens next .
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-exciting-adventure-by-terry/
I really enjoyed the story, so sad when Dave was killed, that was a great scene!
I love it the way you had Dave come back, then shifted to Zelvor. You ended the chapter on a plot question, which adds to the tension, great job!
Remember, whenever possible, describe what the characters are feeling with their senses. For example, what does it smell like when a zombie is spawned? I wonder what it sounds like. And as the zombies claws dug into Dave’s armor, did the claws make a screeching sound? Or did he feel any pain? Was he sweating during the battle. These are all things you should try to add, so that you are Showing and not Telling. Make the character experience your adventure, and that way, the reader will experience it as well.
Keep up the good work, can’t wait to see what happens next .
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-exciting-adventure-by-terry/
**Payton,
You did a great job on this story. You managed to create an original story, but then teach some history at the same time . . . that’s really cool!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-historical-story-by-payton/
Mark
You did a great job on this story. You managed to create an original story, but then teach some history at the same time . . . that’s really cool!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-historical-story-by-payton/
Mark
**Hi Breyton,
Nice job with the Santa story. I’m glad you saved Nebraska. In your next story, think about what the hero, in this case Santa, feels about the bad guys. Do you think Santa would have been sad, would he feel guilty about the good elves becoming evil. Put yourself inside your character’s head and try to imaging what they are feeling . . . then write that.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/santa-to-the-rescue-good-job-breyton/
Mark
Nice job with the Santa story. I’m glad you saved Nebraska. In your next story, think about what the hero, in this case Santa, feels about the bad guys. Do you think Santa would have been sad, would he feel guilty about the good elves becoming evil. Put yourself inside your character’s head and try to imaging what they are feeling . . . then write that.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/santa-to-the-rescue-good-job-breyton/
Mark
**Hi Daniel,
I really liked this story. You should think about making the discussion between the villain and the wolf longer, I thought the part in the cave was interesting.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-wolf-vs-villain-story-by-daniel/
Mark
I really liked this story. You should think about making the discussion between the villain and the wolf longer, I thought the part in the cave was interesting.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-wolf-vs-villain-story-by-daniel/
Mark
**HI Allison,
I loved this Oregon Trail story. I never really thought about how difficult this trip must have been. Great job!
In your next story, think about what it felt like for the characters in your story, and what things smelled like. I wonder what it felt like after crossing the river, it must have been really cold. The more you can write about the character’s senses, the more you will pull your reader into your story and they’ll feel like they’re a part of the adventure.
Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-about-the-oregon-trail-by-allison/
Mark
I loved this Oregon Trail story. I never really thought about how difficult this trip must have been. Great job!
In your next story, think about what it felt like for the characters in your story, and what things smelled like. I wonder what it felt like after crossing the river, it must have been really cold. The more you can write about the character’s senses, the more you will pull your reader into your story and they’ll feel like they’re a part of the adventure.
Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-about-the-oregon-trail-by-allison/
Mark
**HI Alyssa,
I loved your story. It was great, the way you the Ugly Guys some very specific physical descriptions. That automatically formed an image of them in my head, what made me feel like I was in the story . . . great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-actionadventure-story-by-alyssa/
Mark
I loved your story. It was great, the way you the Ugly Guys some very specific physical descriptions. That automatically formed an image of them in my head, what made me feel like I was in the story . . . great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-actionadventure-story-by-alyssa/
Mark
**Nice job Caden, I love the cliff hanger at the end. Great job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-story-by-caden/
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-spooky-story-by-caden/
**Hi Sam,
Great story. I loved that you used the senses to draw the reader into the story, I especially liked the one about rotten socks, that was fantastic! Keep up the great work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-an-ex-citing-story-of-survival-against-all-odds-by-sam/
Great story. I loved that you used the senses to draw the reader into the story, I especially liked the one about rotten socks, that was fantastic! Keep up the great work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-an-ex-citing-story-of-survival-against-all-odds-by-sam/
**Jared,
You did a great job with this story! It made me remember the days I went to the public pool on a hot summer afternoon.
In your next story, I’d like you to think about what your character is feeling. When he was riding his bike to the pool, what did he feel, the warm air, bugs hitting him in the face as he rode? Car exhaust? He could see a cloudless blue sky, or saw clouds that looked like a dragon?
When he’s at the pool, what could you describe that help the reader see the story like you’re seeing it in your head. My favorite thing at the pool is the way the sunlight reflects off the rippling surface of the water, and I always remember, and hate, the smell of the chlorine, but once I get in the pool, I didn’t care. Maybe the chlorine stings his eyes a little. He gets water in his ear and things sound funny for a moment. When he crunches on the doritos, they drop red and brown dust and crumbs on his wet chest. He can hear the laughter of young children in the kiddie pool . . .
The more you can write to the five senses: eyes, ears, nose, taste, and touch, the more you’ll draw your reader into the story, and the more they will feel the story.
Great work, I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-story-makes-me-feel-warm-on-this-chilly-day-its-by-jared/
You did a great job with this story! It made me remember the days I went to the public pool on a hot summer afternoon.
In your next story, I’d like you to think about what your character is feeling. When he was riding his bike to the pool, what did he feel, the warm air, bugs hitting him in the face as he rode? Car exhaust? He could see a cloudless blue sky, or saw clouds that looked like a dragon?
When he’s at the pool, what could you describe that help the reader see the story like you’re seeing it in your head. My favorite thing at the pool is the way the sunlight reflects off the rippling surface of the water, and I always remember, and hate, the smell of the chlorine, but once I get in the pool, I didn’t care. Maybe the chlorine stings his eyes a little. He gets water in his ear and things sound funny for a moment. When he crunches on the doritos, they drop red and brown dust and crumbs on his wet chest. He can hear the laughter of young children in the kiddie pool . . .
The more you can write to the five senses: eyes, ears, nose, taste, and touch, the more you’ll draw your reader into the story, and the more they will feel the story.
Great work, I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-story-makes-me-feel-warm-on-this-chilly-day-its-by-jared/
**Hi Nick,
I love this story, the 7 deadly sins as characters . . . awesome creativity! I loved that you made them behave like their sin.
I challenge you to think about what would the look like, would their voices be high pitched or low, or raspy or loud or soft . . . you can add more personality with things like that.
Also, what would the character have felt or smelled in the gym, if they were afraid, what did it feel like, his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths raspy and short, or maybe wheezy because he has asthma. These things give the reader more to imagine about the character and draws them into the story.
Great job with this, I loved it!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-about-the-creatures-of-the-underworld-by-nick/
I love this story, the 7 deadly sins as characters . . . awesome creativity! I loved that you made them behave like their sin.
I challenge you to think about what would the look like, would their voices be high pitched or low, or raspy or loud or soft . . . you can add more personality with things like that.
Also, what would the character have felt or smelled in the gym, if they were afraid, what did it feel like, his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths raspy and short, or maybe wheezy because he has asthma. These things give the reader more to imagine about the character and draws them into the story.
Great job with this, I loved it!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-about-the-creatures-of-the-underworld-by-nick/
**Hi James,
I really enjoyed your story, great battles! I especially loved the sounds. Maybe next time you could useitalics for the sounds, to make them stand out more?
I would have loved it if you described the setting. I would have liked to know what it looked like around the characters while they were battling.
You did a great job, keep it up! I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-battle-scene-from-james/
I really enjoyed your story, great battles! I especially loved the sounds. Maybe next time you could useitalics for the sounds, to make them stand out more?
I would have loved it if you described the setting. I would have liked to know what it looked like around the characters while they were battling.
You did a great job, keep it up! I can’t wait to see what you create next.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-battle-scene-from-james/
**Nice job, Conner, love the basketball game.
Next time, can you describe what the spirits looked like? And maybe make it a tie game until the last second, then Magic takes a last, seemingly impossible shot. The ball hits the rim, rolls around the edge . . . and . . . then . . . (try to milk it to raise the tension and make the reader sweat) it finally goes in. THE CROWD GOES WILD!
You want to make the reader nervous that the good guys might not win, but then the do it at the last second. Sports stories are great for this kind of ending.
Fantastic work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/nothing-like-an-awesome-basketball-story-great-job-conner/
Next time, can you describe what the spirits looked like? And maybe make it a tie game until the last second, then Magic takes a last, seemingly impossible shot. The ball hits the rim, rolls around the edge . . . and . . . then . . . (try to milk it to raise the tension and make the reader sweat) it finally goes in. THE CROWD GOES WILD!
You want to make the reader nervous that the good guys might not win, but then the do it at the last second. Sports stories are great for this kind of ending.
Fantastic work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/nothing-like-an-awesome-basketball-story-great-job-conner/
**Hi Dom,
Cool story. I liked your story, especially the coach with the third eye. It would have been spooky to make the eye move at the very end, making people think it was real.
Nice job
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/another-cool-sports-story-this-one-by-dom/
Cool story. I liked your story, especially the coach with the third eye. It would have been spooky to make the eye move at the very end, making people think it was real.
Nice job
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/another-cool-sports-story-this-one-by-dom/
**Lily,
Great job on the donut story. I liked it that she was rejected at the beginning, but finally got a donut job.
I wonder what it smells like in a donut shop? You should add that next time.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-about-my-favorite-food-good-job-lily/
Great job on the donut story. I liked it that she was rejected at the beginning, but finally got a donut job.
I wonder what it smells like in a donut shop? You should add that next time.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-about-my-favorite-food-good-job-lily/
**Gavin,
Great baseball story, I really liked it. I especially liked the suspense at the end with catching the ball!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-baseball-story-by-gavin/
Great baseball story, I really liked it. I especially liked the suspense at the end with catching the ball!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/a-great-baseball-story-by-gavin/
**Hi Riley,
I enjoyed your creepy coach story. You had some great descriptions, like the 3rd eye, and the big ears. Nice work.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-creepy-coach-story-by-riley/
I enjoyed your creepy coach story. You had some great descriptions, like the 3rd eye, and the big ears. Nice work.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-creepy-coach-story-by-riley/
**HI Emma,
Great story. I love it when a story catches me by surprise, and having the bank robber get hit by a train was a great surprise. Nice job.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-by-emma/
Great story. I love it when a story catches me by surprise, and having the bank robber get hit by a train was a great surprise. Nice job.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-by-emma/
**Landon,
You did a great job with your alien story. I loved the green gooey face description.
I’d like you to think about Sally. When she sees the alien coach, she runs away. What do you think she was feeling in her body? Her heart pounding like a drum. Her breathing was raspy and quick. Her nerves felt electrified with fear.
Try to describe what the person feels inside, that will hook your reader and draw them into your story.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-alien-invasion-story-by-landon/
You did a great job with your alien story. I loved the green gooey face description.
I’d like you to think about Sally. When she sees the alien coach, she runs away. What do you think she was feeling in her body? Her heart pounding like a drum. Her breathing was raspy and quick. Her nerves felt electrified with fear.
Try to describe what the person feels inside, that will hook your reader and draw them into your story.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-alien-invasion-story-by-landon/
**Waylan,
I really enjoyed your story. It made me hungry for donuts!
What do you think it smells like when they are cooking the donuts. I bet it’s a doughy, sugary smell that seeps in to the senses from all directions. You should always try to add other senses to describe the scene more completely for the reader.
You did a fantastic job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-donut-story-by-waylan/
I really enjoyed your story. It made me hungry for donuts!
What do you think it smells like when they are cooking the donuts. I bet it’s a doughy, sugary smell that seeps in to the senses from all directions. You should always try to add other senses to describe the scene more completely for the reader.
You did a fantastic job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-donut-story-by-waylan/
**HI Evan,
I loved your Terraria story. Fighting the monster, Duke, sounded cool. What do you think it would feel like to be in Terraria; what would if smell like and what would the land feel like . . . I wonder? You should think about that, and try to add more of the senses in your story.
I liked this. I’ve played Terraria with my son, but he Wall of Flesh always destroys me.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-terraria-story-by-evan/
I loved your Terraria story. Fighting the monster, Duke, sounded cool. What do you think it would feel like to be in Terraria; what would if smell like and what would the land feel like . . . I wonder? You should think about that, and try to add more of the senses in your story.
I liked this. I’ve played Terraria with my son, but he Wall of Flesh always destroys me.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-terraria-story-by-evan/
**Blake,
Your Santa story was super cool. I especially loved hearing about Evil Santa Vander.
I would love to hear more about Evil Santa Vander, he sounds really interesting.
Maybe a story about how he became evil?
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-santa-story-by-blake/
Your Santa story was super cool. I especially loved hearing about Evil Santa Vander.
I would love to hear more about Evil Santa Vander, he sounds really interesting.
Maybe a story about how he became evil?
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-santa-story-by-blake/
Stories from 2017-2018
**Easton F.
I love the hook at the beginning!
And then when Leon gets captured, that’s a great 1st plot point, and starts the whole adventure going.
By the way, I loved the bird poop part,
I loved the ending, super unexpected. Great Job!!!!!!!
I put your story here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-of-robots-vs-animals-by-jace/
I love the hook at the beginning!
And then when Leon gets captured, that’s a great 1st plot point, and starts the whole adventure going.
By the way, I loved the bird poop part,
I loved the ending, super unexpected. Great Job!!!!!!!
I put your story here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-of-robots-vs-animals-by-jace/
**Connor,
I really liked your story. The hook at the beginning was great, it really drew me into the story.
Nice job! Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-connor/
I really liked your story. The hook at the beginning was great, it really drew me into the story.
Nice job! Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-connor/
**Grant,
I loved your story. Your opening really kicked off the story and set the tone that this was going to be about action.
The sounds of the paintballs were fantastic.
What I really liked, and I don’t know if you did it on purpose, is when that action increased, you used shorter sentences, which makes the story seem faster and more exciting.
Great Job. Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-exciting-paintball-battle-from-grant
I loved your story. Your opening really kicked off the story and set the tone that this was going to be about action.
The sounds of the paintballs were fantastic.
What I really liked, and I don’t know if you did it on purpose, is when that action increased, you used shorter sentences, which makes the story seem faster and more exciting.
Great Job. Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-exciting-paintball-battle-from-grant
**Breyton,
I really liked your story. I could see all the different layers of your family being woven together. It was great seeing the interactions fo the relatives. I liked the fact that the cousins destroyed your room . . . nice touch. You did a great job! I put your story here: http://markcheverton.com/breyton/
I really liked your story. I could see all the different layers of your family being woven together. It was great seeing the interactions fo the relatives. I liked the fact that the cousins destroyed your room . . . nice touch. You did a great job! I put your story here: http://markcheverton.com/breyton/
Nola,
I loved your story. Showing how much Peter liked tigers really set the tone for the story, but then the tension and action slowly built until Peter stole Milo back from the antagonist.
Nice job, your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/if-you-like-tigers-youre-gonna-love-this-story-by-nola/
I loved your story. Showing how much Peter liked tigers really set the tone for the story, but then the tension and action slowly built until Peter stole Milo back from the antagonist.
Nice job, your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/if-you-like-tigers-youre-gonna-love-this-story-by-nola/
**Cody,
This is a great beginning to your story. You paint a visual picture with words, to show the reader about the setting. The rusted playground is great, and the clever verbs and descriptions, especially the mustache, were awesome. I can't wait to read more.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-cody/
This is a great beginning to your story. You paint a visual picture with words, to show the reader about the setting. The rusted playground is great, and the clever verbs and descriptions, especially the mustache, were awesome. I can't wait to read more.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-by-cody/
**Blake,
You did a great job on your story. I loved the sounds and the other sensory details in the story, it really made me think about what it felt like to be in the hurricane.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-great-story-about-a-scary-hurricane-by-blake/
You did a great job on your story. I loved the sounds and the other sensory details in the story, it really made me think about what it felt like to be in the hurricane.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-great-story-about-a-scary-hurricane-by-blake/
**Carson,
I loved your story, nothing better than a dragon battle. I loved the relationships between the characters. You did a good job of using dialogue to show those relationships. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-dragon-battle-by-carson/
I loved your story, nothing better than a dragon battle. I loved the relationships between the characters. You did a good job of using dialogue to show those relationships. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-dragon-battle-by-carson/
**Serin,
Great job on your story. I liked how you kept the story moving by using lots of dialogue and action. You did a great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-minecraft-adventure-by-serin/
Great job on your story. I liked how you kept the story moving by using lots of dialogue and action. You did a great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-minecraft-adventure-by-serin/
**Emery,
Very creative mixing the future and past with themselves. Have you ever wondered what would happen if future Amira had killed past Amira. Would future Amira have died??? who knows. Great use of the portals in the story. They were an effective plot tool to keep the story interesting.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-about-time-traveling-through-portals-by-emery/
Very creative mixing the future and past with themselves. Have you ever wondered what would happen if future Amira had killed past Amira. Would future Amira have died??? who knows. Great use of the portals in the story. They were an effective plot tool to keep the story interesting.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-story-about-time-traveling-through-portals-by-emery/
**Tyson,
I loved your story, You developed a great set of characters, but the ending was especially interesting. I'd love to see what the evil master is like . . . I bet he's not very nice.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-really-interesting-story-by-tyson/
I loved your story, You developed a great set of characters, but the ending was especially interesting. I'd love to see what the evil master is like . . . I bet he's not very nice.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-really-interesting-story-by-tyson/
**Hi Houston,
I loved your story. Your descriptions at the beginning were really well done. it wasn't an info dump, but it was woven into the story; great job.
I really liked how creative you were with the various different creatures.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-monster-story-by-houston/
I loved your story. Your descriptions at the beginning were really well done. it wasn't an info dump, but it was woven into the story; great job.
I really liked how creative you were with the various different creatures.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-monster-story-by-houston/
**Coltyn,
I loved your Minecraft story, especially when the wither and hydra came out together. That was very unexpected! Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-minecraft-story-by-coltyn
I loved your Minecraft story, especially when the wither and hydra came out together. That was very unexpected! Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-minecraft-story-by-coltyn
**HI Teghan,
I loved your story. For some reason, I could almost feel Malacar’s breath on the back of my neck while I read your story. Great job with cranking up the tension, especially with the maze. Nice cliffhanger, I can’t wait to see what happens next.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-from-teghan
I loved your story. For some reason, I could almost feel Malacar’s breath on the back of my neck while I read your story. Great job with cranking up the tension, especially with the maze. Nice cliffhanger, I can’t wait to see what happens next.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-from-teghan
**Breanna
Great job! I really enjoyed the first chapter, following the riddles on the notes, that was really clever. But when May bakes the cookies and they taste terrible because she had used salt, that was fantastic!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-cool-mystery-story-by-breanna/
Great job! I really enjoyed the first chapter, following the riddles on the notes, that was really clever. But when May bakes the cookies and they taste terrible because she had used salt, that was fantastic!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-cool-mystery-story-by-breanna/
**Landon,
This was sooooo creative. Alien Tacos vs. Burritos . . . I love it!!!
Great job with building the tension throughout the story!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-an-awesome-story-about-alien-tacos-vs-outer-space-burritos-by-landon/
This was sooooo creative. Alien Tacos vs. Burritos . . . I love it!!!
Great job with building the tension throughout the story!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-an-awesome-story-about-alien-tacos-vs-outer-space-burritos-by-landon/
**Nice Job, Dylan. I love the build up through the story until the protagonist and antagonist have it out ad confront each other at the end. Great suspense.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-auto-racing-story-by-dylan/
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-auto-racing-story-by-dylan/
**David,
I really enjoyed your story. I loved the part about eating the house, it made me laugh. Great surprise ending at the end of the story; didn't see that coming. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-cool-fantasy-story-by-david/
I really enjoyed your story. I loved the part about eating the house, it made me laugh. Great surprise ending at the end of the story; didn't see that coming. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/here-is-a-super-cool-fantasy-story-by-david/
**Alex,
I loved your story. You did a great job establishing your characters early on in the treehouse, then added some great tension when you burned it down. I loved the countdown timer throughout the story, it made it exciting. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-football-story-by-alex/
I loved your story. You did a great job establishing your characters early on in the treehouse, then added some great tension when you burned it down. I loved the countdown timer throughout the story, it made it exciting. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-football-story-by-alex/
**Jase,
You did a great job on your story. I loved how you used dialogue to keep the story moving, fantastic!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-by-jase/
You did a great job on your story. I loved how you used dialogue to keep the story moving, fantastic!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-by-jase/
**Emma,
Fantastic job on your story. I loved the way you showed the reader the relationship between the two characters with dialogue. Briar always tricking Lauren was great. Awesome ending!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-cool-mystery-by-emma/
Fantastic job on your story. I loved the way you showed the reader the relationship between the two characters with dialogue. Briar always tricking Lauren was great. Awesome ending!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-cool-mystery-by-emma/
**HI Lily,
I really enjoyed your story. I liked how you flowed the plot from the police at the beginning, to the bank robbery and into the jail, and then the escape. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-bank-robbery-story-by-lily/
I really enjoyed your story. I liked how you flowed the plot from the police at the beginning, to the bank robbery and into the jail, and then the escape. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-bank-robbery-story-by-lily/
**Ethyn,
I really enjoyed Mudding with my Brother. I felt as if I could imagine what it felt like while they were riding. The sounds during the race were great. You did a good job of putting the reader into the scene!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-motorcycle-story-by-ethyn/
I really enjoyed Mudding with my Brother. I felt as if I could imagine what it felt like while they were riding. The sounds during the race were great. You did a good job of putting the reader into the scene!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-motorcycle-story-by-ethyn/
**HI Tucker,
I loved your superhero story. You did a great job of driving the story with dialogue and action. Good work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-hero-story-by-tucker/
I loved your superhero story. You did a great job of driving the story with dialogue and action. Good work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-hero-story-by-tucker/
**Addi,
I love the way you started off your story with the breakin, that was a great hook. But then you increased the tension with the note and the missing dog. Great way to kick off the story and start the adventure.
Great way to end the chapter “The Day” with a little mini cliff hanger, or plot question as I call them. That really propels the reader into the next chapter!
Great ending. Excellent work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mystery-story-from-addi/
Mark
I love the way you started off your story with the breakin, that was a great hook. But then you increased the tension with the note and the missing dog. Great way to kick off the story and start the adventure.
Great way to end the chapter “The Day” with a little mini cliff hanger, or plot question as I call them. That really propels the reader into the next chapter!
Great ending. Excellent work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mystery-story-from-addi/
Mark
**Dominic,
I loved your story. You did something that a lot of young writers have trouble with; you continued to ramp up the tension all through the story. First it was raiders, then the crazy bothers, then a zombie horde, then . . . that’s exactly what you want to do, keep increasing the tension. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-minecraft-story-from-dominic/
Mark
I loved your story. You did something that a lot of young writers have trouble with; you continued to ramp up the tension all through the story. First it was raiders, then the crazy bothers, then a zombie horde, then . . . that’s exactly what you want to do, keep increasing the tension. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-minecraft-story-from-dominic/
Mark
**Calvin,
I loved your story. It felt as if I was on a tour around Minecraft. I especially liked the appearance of the Zombie Giant, that was unexpected. But the joke at the very beginning was a great hook to draw the reader into your story. Nice Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-calvin/
Mark
I loved your story. It felt as if I was on a tour around Minecraft. I especially liked the appearance of the Zombie Giant, that was unexpected. But the joke at the very beginning was a great hook to draw the reader into your story. Nice Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-calvin/
Mark
**Kelsey,
You did a great job with your story. It was super creative and descriptive. I really enjoyed it!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-creative-story-from-kelsey/
Mark
You did a great job with your story. It was super creative and descriptive. I really enjoyed it!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-super-creative-story-from-kelsey/
Mark
**HI Macee,
I loved your story, you did a great job. I felt like I could see the scary underground tunnel with the millions of bugs while I was reading. I loved the twist with Zoe being a Zombie . . . super cool!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-cool-mystery-from-macee/
Mark
I loved your story, you did a great job. I felt like I could see the scary underground tunnel with the millions of bugs while I was reading. I loved the twist with Zoe being a Zombie . . . super cool!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-cool-mystery-from-macee/
Mark
**Dawson,
I loved your story, alien hot-dog creatures . . . super cool! You did a great job increasing the tension through the story, and you even saved Gramma! Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-the-coolest-hot-dog-alien-invasion-story-ever-by-dawson
I loved your story, alien hot-dog creatures . . . super cool! You did a great job increasing the tension through the story, and you even saved Gramma! Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-the-coolest-hot-dog-alien-invasion-story-ever-by-dawson
**Syler,
I loved your story, you put incredible detail into it. I loved the surprise ending; I didn’t expect Leo to die . . . great ending.
http://markcheverton.com/syler/
Mark
I loved your story, you put incredible detail into it. I loved the surprise ending; I didn’t expect Leo to die . . . great ending.
http://markcheverton.com/syler/
Mark
**Hi Savannah,
I really liked your story. When you first mention a pet spider, I imagined a gigant spider like in Minecraft, and I was a little freaked out . . . I don’t like spiders very much. But I’m glad it was just a regular spider. You did a great job with your story, it flowed really well and never got to slow or boring. Great work!
Did you know some people keep a Praying Mantis as a pet? They tie a string to them and tie the other end of the string to their bedpost, and the Praying Mantis will eat the insects and mosquitos that try to bite you when you sleep. Look on Goggle for Praying Mantis, they are really strange insects.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-from-savannah/
Mark
I really liked your story. When you first mention a pet spider, I imagined a gigant spider like in Minecraft, and I was a little freaked out . . . I don’t like spiders very much. But I’m glad it was just a regular spider. You did a great job with your story, it flowed really well and never got to slow or boring. Great work!
Did you know some people keep a Praying Mantis as a pet? They tie a string to them and tie the other end of the string to their bedpost, and the Praying Mantis will eat the insects and mosquitos that try to bite you when you sleep. Look on Goggle for Praying Mantis, they are really strange insects.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-from-savannah/
Mark
**Faith,
I really liked your story. You did a great job at giving the kittens a personality, nicely done. I imagined of a bunch of cute kittens invading the earth, and it made me laugh. I have the feeling this is the beginning of a much larger story? I’m really excited to see what happened next.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-faiths-story/
Mark
I really liked your story. You did a great job at giving the kittens a personality, nicely done. I imagined of a bunch of cute kittens invading the earth, and it made me laugh. I have the feeling this is the beginning of a much larger story? I’m really excited to see what happened next.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-faiths-story/
Mark
**Evan,
Fantastic job. I loved the hook at the beginning, that worked really well. You did a great job and continually increasing the tension throughout the story. That made it feel fast paced, and kept it interesting and exciting. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mountain-climbing-story-from-evan/
Mark
Fantastic job. I loved the hook at the beginning, that worked really well. You did a great job and continually increasing the tension throughout the story. That made it feel fast paced, and kept it interesting and exciting. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mountain-climbing-story-from-evan/
Mark
**HI Allison,.
Your story is great. When you mentioned a shark, I thought, there’s no way it’s gonna attack . . . great surprise. I loved how you used the two injuries to bring the two girls closer together, Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/allison-made-a-great-story-check-it-out/
Mark
Your story is great. When you mentioned a shark, I thought, there’s no way it’s gonna attack . . . great surprise. I loved how you used the two injuries to bring the two girls closer together, Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/allison-made-a-great-story-check-it-out/
Mark
**Hi Jacob,
I loved your story. It was a great idea for Noob and Pro to start out as enemies and then become friends. You did a great job developing your characters, and characters are the most important thing in a story. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-about-herobrine-by-jacob/
Mark
I loved your story. It was a great idea for Noob and Pro to start out as enemies and then become friends. You did a great job developing your characters, and characters are the most important thing in a story. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-about-herobrine-by-jacob/
Mark
**Addi,
Fantastic job. I loved the surprise twist of Justin not wanting to get rich, but only see his family . . . that was great! You did a great job with ramping up the tension when the dove down to see his family. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mermaid-story-by-abbi/
Mark
Fantastic job. I loved the surprise twist of Justin not wanting to get rich, but only see his family . . . that was great! You did a great job with ramping up the tension when the dove down to see his family. Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-mermaid-story-by-abbi/
Mark
**Wyleigh,
Super cool story. I liked the way you developed your characters, Clara and her mom. You cemented their relationship well!. You did a great job making the reader feel what it would be like swimming back to shore after getting by a shark. Good Job.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-shark-attack-story-from-wyleigh/
Mark
Super cool story. I liked the way you developed your characters, Clara and her mom. You cemented their relationship well!. You did a great job making the reader feel what it would be like swimming back to shore after getting by a shark. Good Job.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-shark-attack-story-from-wyleigh/
Mark
**Alyssa,
I loved your story, it was extremely creative. Usually, doing a shifting PoV is hard to pull off, but I think you did it really well. I loved the ending. It would be cool to explore what it would be like to know everyone’s true inner self . . . what do you think you’d learn about other people. Do you think it would be difficult to have and cope with that kind of inner sight . . . it’s really interesting. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-from-alyssa-its-something-very-creative-and-interesting/
Mark
I loved your story, it was extremely creative. Usually, doing a shifting PoV is hard to pull off, but I think you did it really well. I loved the ending. It would be cool to explore what it would be like to know everyone’s true inner self . . . what do you think you’d learn about other people. Do you think it would be difficult to have and cope with that kind of inner sight . . . it’s really interesting. Nice job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-this-story-from-alyssa-its-something-very-creative-and-interesting/
Mark
**Brady,
Your story was great! I loved the way you described the world and the dark cave, but you did a really good job at increasing the tension through the story. It went first from battle, to chasing, the one of the protagonists hanging over the volcano with his friend holding him by the wrist. Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-by-brady/
Mark
Your story was great! I loved the way you described the world and the dark cave, but you did a really good job at increasing the tension through the story. It went first from battle, to chasing, the one of the protagonists hanging over the volcano with his friend holding him by the wrist. Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-story-by-brady/
Mark
**Hi Josilynn,
I loved your Cheese Ball story. The comparison of the man’s eyebrows to squirrel tails was great. I really liked it when it became a chase, with the protagonist on horseback was chasing the Evil Cheese Ball. Great work on your story!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-josilynns-story-of-the-attack-of-an-evil-cheese-ball/
Mark
I loved your Cheese Ball story. The comparison of the man’s eyebrows to squirrel tails was great. I really liked it when it became a chase, with the protagonist on horseback was chasing the Evil Cheese Ball. Great work on your story!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-josilynns-story-of-the-attack-of-an-evil-cheese-ball/
Mark
**Faith,
I loved your story. You did a great job making the reader feel empathy for the kittens, but you did a great twist at the end, having the kittens talk to Nina and hint at their plan. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-cat-invasion-story-by-faith/
Mark
I loved your story. You did a great job making the reader feel empathy for the kittens, but you did a great twist at the end, having the kittens talk to Nina and hint at their plan. Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-cat-invasion-story-by-faith/
Mark
**Hi Beatrice,
I loved your zombie story. The part at the beginning, about the wart . . . it gave me the creeps, good job! You made Zabrina seem bad at the end, but turned her into a goodguy later in the story, that was a cool twist. Good work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-zombie-story-by-beatrice/
I loved your zombie story. The part at the beginning, about the wart . . . it gave me the creeps, good job! You made Zabrina seem bad at the end, but turned her into a goodguy later in the story, that was a cool twist. Good work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-zombie-story-by-beatrice/
**HI Jager,
I really liked your story. It was informative; I learned a lot about Team10, but then you put the car chase in there too . . . great idea!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-jager/
Mark
I really liked your story. It was informative; I learned a lot about Team10, but then you put the car chase in there too . . . great idea!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-jager/
Mark
**Paige,
I loved your story, it made me hungry.
You were super creative about the Candy Land world you constructed, you clearly put a lot of thought into the Candy Land world. Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-about-candy-land-by-paige/
Mark
I loved your story, it made me hungry.
You were super creative about the Candy Land world you constructed, you clearly put a lot of thought into the Candy Land world. Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-about-candy-land-by-paige/
Mark
**Hi Waylan,
I loved your story. I liked the way it took me to different places. It felt like a tour of the solar system, I liked that. Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-space-story-from-waylan/
Mark
I loved your story. I liked the way it took me to different places. It felt like a tour of the solar system, I liked that. Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-space-story-from-waylan/
Mark
**Hi Evan S.,
I loved your space battle. You did a great job of increasing the tension to bigger and bigger battles, great job! I liked the end, leading the reader to a new adventure.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-cool-space-battle-by-evan-s/
Mark
I loved your space battle. You did a great job of increasing the tension to bigger and bigger battles, great job! I liked the end, leading the reader to a new adventure.
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-cool-space-battle-by-evan-s/
Mark
**Tyson,
I thought your story was great! I love fantasy stories, and yours showed a lot of creativity and thought. Great Job.
The think I like most about fantasy stories is that you can show completely different worlds and let the reader really feel like they are there; and to do that, you need to use the senses. For example, what does the Dark Realm look like? What does it feel like, I’m guessing it’s cold and lonely? Show the reader feeling this feeling and this emotion. What does it smell like, what does the ground feel like? Maybe there’s a sound in the Dark Realm that sounds like some kind of creature wailing in pain, but the sound is soft, so you don’t notice it unless you concentrate, or maybe there are screams from the cursed people? Lots of sensory input. But when you describe the Light Realm, you should make the environment totally different. Do the opposite from the Dark Realm in the Light Realm, but still use your senses to show the reader what it’s like.
Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-great-fantasy-story-from-tyson/
Mark
I thought your story was great! I love fantasy stories, and yours showed a lot of creativity and thought. Great Job.
The think I like most about fantasy stories is that you can show completely different worlds and let the reader really feel like they are there; and to do that, you need to use the senses. For example, what does the Dark Realm look like? What does it feel like, I’m guessing it’s cold and lonely? Show the reader feeling this feeling and this emotion. What does it smell like, what does the ground feel like? Maybe there’s a sound in the Dark Realm that sounds like some kind of creature wailing in pain, but the sound is soft, so you don’t notice it unless you concentrate, or maybe there are screams from the cursed people? Lots of sensory input. But when you describe the Light Realm, you should make the environment totally different. Do the opposite from the Dark Realm in the Light Realm, but still use your senses to show the reader what it’s like.
Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-great-fantasy-story-from-tyson/
Mark
**Jillian,
I love mysteries and I really enjoyed your story.
The thing I like about mysteries is the use of a technique called a Red Herring. When you put a Red Herring in your story, it means you’re putting a clue in the story to make the reader think the bad guy is someone else, but really, that person isn’t bad, but good. In a mystery, you want the ready to be tricked a couple of times until the end when they find out who the real bad guy or gal is. The hard part is leaving the little bits of evidence that might go unnoticed until the very end, and that’s when the reader remembers all the hints and realizes who the bad guy really is. Like, maybe the bad guy likes eating crackers. You find cracker crumbs at the crime scene or the place where someone is kidnapped, and then at the end of the story, you show the bad guy eating crackers. Mysteries and crime fiction can be difficult to write, but that’s what makes them so much fun to write.
Awesome job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-mystery-story-from-jillian/
Mark
I love mysteries and I really enjoyed your story.
The thing I like about mysteries is the use of a technique called a Red Herring. When you put a Red Herring in your story, it means you’re putting a clue in the story to make the reader think the bad guy is someone else, but really, that person isn’t bad, but good. In a mystery, you want the ready to be tricked a couple of times until the end when they find out who the real bad guy or gal is. The hard part is leaving the little bits of evidence that might go unnoticed until the very end, and that’s when the reader remembers all the hints and realizes who the bad guy really is. Like, maybe the bad guy likes eating crackers. You find cracker crumbs at the crime scene or the place where someone is kidnapped, and then at the end of the story, you show the bad guy eating crackers. Mysteries and crime fiction can be difficult to write, but that’s what makes them so much fun to write.
Awesome job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-mystery-story-from-jillian/
Mark
**Noah,
I really liked your space adventure story. You did a great job keeping the story moving and increasing the tension throughout the story.
If you write another story like this, I’d love to know what if feels like in outerspace. What does the character’s spacesuit feel like, what does it sound like inside the space helmet? What does it smell like? Also, can you think of some physical features for the aliens that will plant them in the reader’s mind? Maybe they have to eyes just like you and me, but there’s a third eye in the middle of it’s forehead, maybe it’s an xray eye, which makes them hard to get away from?
You did a great job. Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/check-out-noahs-space-adventure/
Mark
I really liked your space adventure story. You did a great job keeping the story moving and increasing the tension throughout the story.
If you write another story like this, I’d love to know what if feels like in outerspace. What does the character’s spacesuit feel like, what does it sound like inside the space helmet? What does it smell like? Also, can you think of some physical features for the aliens that will plant them in the reader’s mind? Maybe they have to eyes just like you and me, but there’s a third eye in the middle of it’s forehead, maybe it’s an xray eye, which makes them hard to get away from?
You did a great job. Your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/check-out-noahs-space-adventure/
Mark
**Kayla,
You did a fantastic job with your story. You kept the story moving forward so there wasn’t any slow parts, good job!
If you write another story about animals, I challenge you to show your character interacting with them more. That will let you reveal how the character feels about the animals, but you can also make your readers care about the puppies more. How does their tongue feel when they lick the girls’ faces? What does their fur feel like? How does there bark sound? Think about it with your senses and try to include more of that.
Great job, your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-cool-story-from-kayla/
Mark
You did a fantastic job with your story. You kept the story moving forward so there wasn’t any slow parts, good job!
If you write another story about animals, I challenge you to show your character interacting with them more. That will let you reveal how the character feels about the animals, but you can also make your readers care about the puppies more. How does their tongue feel when they lick the girls’ faces? What does their fur feel like? How does there bark sound? Think about it with your senses and try to include more of that.
Great job, your story is here: http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-cool-story-from-kayla/
Mark
**HI Aiden,
I liked your story. You did a great job showing what the main character was like, he liked to read and to art and music . . . that created a good image of him in my mind. You had some great descriptions in here, but next time, I challenge you to also add how things smelled or felt. The rocks might be rough under their fingertips. The air had a salty smell to it, or maybe the islands smelled like coconuts because of all the palm trees. Think about what else you could sense with your senses if you were standing there with your character.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-aiden/
Mark
I liked your story. You did a great job showing what the main character was like, he liked to read and to art and music . . . that created a good image of him in my mind. You had some great descriptions in here, but next time, I challenge you to also add how things smelled or felt. The rocks might be rough under their fingertips. The air had a salty smell to it, or maybe the islands smelled like coconuts because of all the palm trees. Think about what else you could sense with your senses if you were standing there with your character.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-aiden/
Mark
**Hi Shae,
I really liked your story. You did a great job at describing all the penguins, but it was especially great that way you kept the adventure going all throughout the story. Very creative story!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-penguin-adventure-by-shae/
Mark
I really liked your story. You did a great job at describing all the penguins, but it was especially great that way you kept the adventure going all throughout the story. Very creative story!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-penguin-adventure-by-shae/
Mark
**HI Tucker,
I really enjoyed your story. The addition of the guy in the black mask was cool, he was mysterious. Maybe, next time, when you add a new character, give them something distinctive and easy to identify, like a limp, or a scar on his face, or he’s missing a finger . . . something the reader can visualize. Then you can show him without the mask, but let your hero see the scar or see the limp . . . It’s a good strategy to hint at who is behind the mask without just saying it.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-from-tucker/
Mark
I really enjoyed your story. The addition of the guy in the black mask was cool, he was mysterious. Maybe, next time, when you add a new character, give them something distinctive and easy to identify, like a limp, or a scar on his face, or he’s missing a finger . . . something the reader can visualize. Then you can show him without the mask, but let your hero see the scar or see the limp . . . It’s a good strategy to hint at who is behind the mask without just saying it.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-great-story-from-tucker/
Mark
**Hi Sophia,
I loved your unicorn story. But the part I liked most, and I think you could expand on, is the lunch room. There are lots of smells and sounds you could describe, and terrible food tastes you could describe as well. A cool story might be about the new girl at school and how she starts getting friends, then gets in arguments and loses friends, then makes up and gets their friends back, but all of it is told in the lunch room. Each day is a new menu in the cafeteria, and new problems arise in the lunch room; that might be a cool story. I’m sure for someone new to the school, the lunch room is a terrifying place. Think about it.
Great work on Mr. Unicorn!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-unicorn-story-by-sophia/
I loved your unicorn story. But the part I liked most, and I think you could expand on, is the lunch room. There are lots of smells and sounds you could describe, and terrible food tastes you could describe as well. A cool story might be about the new girl at school and how she starts getting friends, then gets in arguments and loses friends, then makes up and gets their friends back, but all of it is told in the lunch room. Each day is a new menu in the cafeteria, and new problems arise in the lunch room; that might be a cool story. I’m sure for someone new to the school, the lunch room is a terrifying place. Think about it.
Great work on Mr. Unicorn!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-unicorn-story-by-sophia/
**Christopher,
I loved Spider Invasion. You did a great job at starting with only a little tension, then increasing it more and more, making the obstacles bigger with each chapter. Great job!
Next time you write a monster story, I’d like you to think about your antagonist. It always is better if the bad guy thinks he’s a good guy in his own mind. For example, why was the Spider King attacking people, not just because he’s evil, he needs a reason that makes sense. Maybe he’s mad that people are stepping on all his children? Maybe that’s why he was to take over, to keep all his little baby spiders safe, so he wants to imprison all people? Think about that, give your villain a good reason for him being a villain.
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-christophers-spider-invasion-story/
Mark
I loved Spider Invasion. You did a great job at starting with only a little tension, then increasing it more and more, making the obstacles bigger with each chapter. Great job!
Next time you write a monster story, I’d like you to think about your antagonist. It always is better if the bad guy thinks he’s a good guy in his own mind. For example, why was the Spider King attacking people, not just because he’s evil, he needs a reason that makes sense. Maybe he’s mad that people are stepping on all his children? Maybe that’s why he was to take over, to keep all his little baby spiders safe, so he wants to imprison all people? Think about that, give your villain a good reason for him being a villain.
http://markcheverton.com/i-love-christophers-spider-invasion-story/
Mark
**Payton,
I loved your story! The little dream where the spider was squashed, that was cool. You did a great job at keeping the action going throughout the story. I challenge you, in your next story, try to make the reader feel the environment, for example – the spider’s lair, what does that smell like or look like? What do the spider webs feel like, like a strand or rope covered with the stickiest glue? What did the mouse look like? Was there a distinctive feature to the mouse’s face, maybe a scar from a spider across its face???
I loved the fact that you gave the spider a backstory and a reason why he thinks he’s doing a good thing, by biting all the kids!
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-an-awesome-story-from-payton-i-hope-you-like-spiders/
Mark
I loved your story! The little dream where the spider was squashed, that was cool. You did a great job at keeping the action going throughout the story. I challenge you, in your next story, try to make the reader feel the environment, for example – the spider’s lair, what does that smell like or look like? What do the spider webs feel like, like a strand or rope covered with the stickiest glue? What did the mouse look like? Was there a distinctive feature to the mouse’s face, maybe a scar from a spider across its face???
I loved the fact that you gave the spider a backstory and a reason why he thinks he’s doing a good thing, by biting all the kids!
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-an-awesome-story-from-payton-i-hope-you-like-spiders/
Mark
**Hi Mya,
I loved your elf story. You did a fantastic job of describing the environment and the elves and especially the dragon, good job!
I challenge you, next time you write something like this, can you think of another way to describe the dragon instead of just listing the descriptions. Maybe they have a stuffed dragon in the village, and the elf runs her fingers across the sharp spines along their back, The wings still felt hot because of the magical fire burning under the skin. I like to describe something by a comparison. For a dark dragon, instead of saying it’s black, I might have the character say, “The skin of the dragon always reminds me of a moonless night sky, darker than dark or blacker than black.” A comparison lets the reader use their imagination and put the image of a dark sky into their mind and use it to imagine the dragon. Try that next time.
Great work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-elf-dragon-story-by-mya/
I loved your elf story. You did a fantastic job of describing the environment and the elves and especially the dragon, good job!
I challenge you, next time you write something like this, can you think of another way to describe the dragon instead of just listing the descriptions. Maybe they have a stuffed dragon in the village, and the elf runs her fingers across the sharp spines along their back, The wings still felt hot because of the magical fire burning under the skin. I like to describe something by a comparison. For a dark dragon, instead of saying it’s black, I might have the character say, “The skin of the dragon always reminds me of a moonless night sky, darker than dark or blacker than black.” A comparison lets the reader use their imagination and put the image of a dark sky into their mind and use it to imagine the dragon. Try that next time.
Great work!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-elf-dragon-story-by-mya/
**Easton,
I loved your story. My son and I read it together over breakfast, it was awesome. You were super creative!
When you write your next story, I want to you think about the setting where the chapter is taking place, like in the spooky tunnel. Did you use all of your senses to describe it for the reader. I'm thinking you won't use tast, but the other four, sight (which you did), sound (are there echoes, is water dripping from the ceiling, can you hear footsteps?), touch (what does the goo feel like?) and smell (I bet it smells stale and dirty in the tunnel). Compare these sensory items to something the reader will recognize, like the tunnel smelled stale and dirty, like how my socks smell after I leave them under my bed for too long, or something like that.
Great job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-eastons-awesome-action-adventure-story/
I loved your story. My son and I read it together over breakfast, it was awesome. You were super creative!
When you write your next story, I want to you think about the setting where the chapter is taking place, like in the spooky tunnel. Did you use all of your senses to describe it for the reader. I'm thinking you won't use tast, but the other four, sight (which you did), sound (are there echoes, is water dripping from the ceiling, can you hear footsteps?), touch (what does the goo feel like?) and smell (I bet it smells stale and dirty in the tunnel). Compare these sensory items to something the reader will recognize, like the tunnel smelled stale and dirty, like how my socks smell after I leave them under my bed for too long, or something like that.
Great job!
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-eastons-awesome-action-adventure-story/
**Olivia,
I loved your story, super sad, but a great job. When you can make someone feel sad with your writing, then you did your job. Great work!
When you write another story, think about if you are completely showing the environment to your reader. Is there anything about the dog or the house that you could show to the reader with your senses? Maybe the stairs squeak when Tyler goes upstairs? Maybe the dog’s fur is soft and fluffy Maybe . . . close your eyes and imaging the environment and make sure your reader can see it as well. But don’t spend too much time on description, because description can slow down your story.
Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-by-olivia/
Mark
I loved your story, super sad, but a great job. When you can make someone feel sad with your writing, then you did your job. Great work!
When you write another story, think about if you are completely showing the environment to your reader. Is there anything about the dog or the house that you could show to the reader with your senses? Maybe the stairs squeak when Tyler goes upstairs? Maybe the dog’s fur is soft and fluffy Maybe . . . close your eyes and imaging the environment and make sure your reader can see it as well. But don’t spend too much time on description, because description can slow down your story.
Great Job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-an-awesome-story-by-olivia/
Mark
**Hi Cody,
I liked your story. I noticed you didn’t use an quotation marks, “ “ A famous author named Amiee Binder does that in all her books, and it creates an interesting feeling in her books. I felt this was similar, but you still need to add some kind of dialogue identifier so we know who’s talking.
I liked how you added some sensory items at the beginning of your story. When you right your next one try to check and see if you keep the sensory inputs going all throughout your story. I find, in my own stories, I always start out strong with logs of sensory input, but I forget as I get pulled into the story, so when I rewrite, I focus on looking for places where I can add more sensory information.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-codys-new-story/
Mark
I liked your story. I noticed you didn’t use an quotation marks, “ “ A famous author named Amiee Binder does that in all her books, and it creates an interesting feeling in her books. I felt this was similar, but you still need to add some kind of dialogue identifier so we know who’s talking.
I liked how you added some sensory items at the beginning of your story. When you right your next one try to check and see if you keep the sensory inputs going all throughout your story. I find, in my own stories, I always start out strong with logs of sensory input, but I forget as I get pulled into the story, so when I rewrite, I focus on looking for places where I can add more sensory information.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-codys-new-story/
Mark
**HI Catalina,
I loved your story. The ending was sad, and sad is good. Sometimes, I try to put a sad part in one of my stories, like when I’m going to kill off a character. My goal is the get the reader to squeak out a few tears. To make your reader become emotional, its important you show the reader your character’s hopes and dreams. Maybe there’s something sad in your character’s background, and trying out for basketball is going to make her really happy. You need to get the reader to root for your character and cheer for them, so when the tragedy happens, like a torn hamstring, the reader will be shocked and sad. The set up is really really important, and hard to do, but I’m glad you gave it a shot. You did a great job with your story, I hope there’s more, maybe an artificial leg, and she had to learn how to walk again, and she wants to try out for basketball again. Maybe she plays one-on-one with the mean girl and she beats her . . . that might be fun to write.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-catalinas-new-basketball-story/.
Mark
I loved your story. The ending was sad, and sad is good. Sometimes, I try to put a sad part in one of my stories, like when I’m going to kill off a character. My goal is the get the reader to squeak out a few tears. To make your reader become emotional, its important you show the reader your character’s hopes and dreams. Maybe there’s something sad in your character’s background, and trying out for basketball is going to make her really happy. You need to get the reader to root for your character and cheer for them, so when the tragedy happens, like a torn hamstring, the reader will be shocked and sad. The set up is really really important, and hard to do, but I’m glad you gave it a shot. You did a great job with your story, I hope there’s more, maybe an artificial leg, and she had to learn how to walk again, and she wants to try out for basketball again. Maybe she plays one-on-one with the mean girl and she beats her . . . that might be fun to write.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-catalinas-new-basketball-story/.
Mark
**Hi Dylan,
I loved your football story. I really liked how you showed the reader a lot about the protagonists feeling and character. I felt like I really knew Carson. Great Job.
With a story like yours, it’s kinda like a biography, but it’s fiction, you need to think of a way to tie the most dramatic part, like when Carson was hurt, into the ending, so it feels to the reader like the story all ties together. This can be hard. What I will do is think of the ending first, then think about what I can add to the ending, in my Gameknight books, it might be something about facing your fears, then add a scene at the beginning of the story, showing Gameknight running away from his fears, to make it all tie together. This can be hard, but the payoff is huge; people will LOVE your story if you can do it well.
Great job with your story.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-dylans-football-story/
Mark
I loved your football story. I really liked how you showed the reader a lot about the protagonists feeling and character. I felt like I really knew Carson. Great Job.
With a story like yours, it’s kinda like a biography, but it’s fiction, you need to think of a way to tie the most dramatic part, like when Carson was hurt, into the ending, so it feels to the reader like the story all ties together. This can be hard. What I will do is think of the ending first, then think about what I can add to the ending, in my Gameknight books, it might be something about facing your fears, then add a scene at the beginning of the story, showing Gameknight running away from his fears, to make it all tie together. This can be hard, but the payoff is huge; people will LOVE your story if you can do it well.
Great job with your story.
http://markcheverton.com/heres-dylans-football-story/
Mark
**James,
You did a great job on your story. It was clear that you put a lot of thought and effort into this. Nice work!
One thing I would have liked to see, you should think about this in your next story. I would have liked to know more about the relationship between Rico and Ruby and Twix. If you can let me know more about their relationship and why I should care about them, then I’ll empathize with them and I’ll root for them. When I do this in my books, I like to show the relationship by using dialogue and let the characters talk and reveal their relationship and their history and background to the reader. Characters are more important than plot, and the more of their personality you can show to the reader, the more they will root for your hero and the same it true for your villain as well. You want your readers to love your hero and love to hate your villain.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-from-james/
Mark
You did a great job on your story. It was clear that you put a lot of thought and effort into this. Nice work!
One thing I would have liked to see, you should think about this in your next story. I would have liked to know more about the relationship between Rico and Ruby and Twix. If you can let me know more about their relationship and why I should care about them, then I’ll empathize with them and I’ll root for them. When I do this in my books, I like to show the relationship by using dialogue and let the characters talk and reveal their relationship and their history and background to the reader. Characters are more important than plot, and the more of their personality you can show to the reader, the more they will root for your hero and the same it true for your villain as well. You want your readers to love your hero and love to hate your villain.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-from-james/
Mark
**Aliyah,
I enjoyed your story. I liked the way you built up the mystery, showing the empty nest, and making the reader wonder what kind of animal will be revealed. That was cool.
Whenever I write something like this, I always ask myself, did I reveal enough of the setting for the reader to see the scene in their minds. To make the setting come alive, you need to add some sensory input. For example, what was the nest like, does it have a smell, does it crunch if you walk across it? What are the trees like . . . whenever I write a chapter, I always go back and ask myself, did I put the reader fully into the scene, or was the chapter more like a movie on a screen. Almost always, I have to go back and add that sensory input so the story feels real and 3-dimensional instead of just flat. Think about that.
Great work: http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-really-cool-story-from-allyah/
I enjoyed your story. I liked the way you built up the mystery, showing the empty nest, and making the reader wonder what kind of animal will be revealed. That was cool.
Whenever I write something like this, I always ask myself, did I reveal enough of the setting for the reader to see the scene in their minds. To make the setting come alive, you need to add some sensory input. For example, what was the nest like, does it have a smell, does it crunch if you walk across it? What are the trees like . . . whenever I write a chapter, I always go back and ask myself, did I put the reader fully into the scene, or was the chapter more like a movie on a screen. Almost always, I have to go back and add that sensory input so the story feels real and 3-dimensional instead of just flat. Think about that.
Great work: http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-really-cool-story-from-allyah/
**Charlie,
You did a great job on your jail-break story. I liked the fact that you continued to add more action all throughout the story. Good job.
Something that could make the reader feel sorry for the prisoner is some sensory input about the jails. You could make the jails seem worse and worse as the story progresses, but you also want to reveal some things about the character and their background. Why was the prisoner in jail? Maybe he was framed, and the person that framed him worked in a different jail, so he was breaking out to try and find that person. This kind of background is important, because it allows the reader to understand why the prison is there, but it can also make the reader feel sorry for the prisoner, that’s important. The reader must root for your character, that will draw them into the story and keep them turning the page.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-charlies-cool-jail-break-story/
Mark
You did a great job on your jail-break story. I liked the fact that you continued to add more action all throughout the story. Good job.
Something that could make the reader feel sorry for the prisoner is some sensory input about the jails. You could make the jails seem worse and worse as the story progresses, but you also want to reveal some things about the character and their background. Why was the prisoner in jail? Maybe he was framed, and the person that framed him worked in a different jail, so he was breaking out to try and find that person. This kind of background is important, because it allows the reader to understand why the prison is there, but it can also make the reader feel sorry for the prisoner, that’s important. The reader must root for your character, that will draw them into the story and keep them turning the page.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-charlies-cool-jail-break-story/
Mark
**Adam,
I loved your story. It was a really cool idea to let your main character talk to the animals. The thing that came to mind for me, right away, was, do different animals have different concerns. Maybe the snake wants to know where all the mice are located. Maybe the ostrich’s like to run, I think you could do a lot of really interesting things with the animals’ personalities. You can also give the animals personalities that match their appearance. We would normally think of a snake as sneaky, and maybe evil, an elephant would be slow, but strong, a lion would be proud and ferocious . . . each animal could have a personalty that matches their manner, this is referred to as Allegory, It can be difficult to write, but the payoff with the characters you’re writing about can be huge. Think about it.
Great work! http://markcheverton.com/heres-adams-cool-animal-story/
Mark
I loved your story. It was a really cool idea to let your main character talk to the animals. The thing that came to mind for me, right away, was, do different animals have different concerns. Maybe the snake wants to know where all the mice are located. Maybe the ostrich’s like to run, I think you could do a lot of really interesting things with the animals’ personalities. You can also give the animals personalities that match their appearance. We would normally think of a snake as sneaky, and maybe evil, an elephant would be slow, but strong, a lion would be proud and ferocious . . . each animal could have a personalty that matches their manner, this is referred to as Allegory, It can be difficult to write, but the payoff with the characters you’re writing about can be huge. Think about it.
Great work! http://markcheverton.com/heres-adams-cool-animal-story/
Mark
**Hi Drezik
I loved your story, a ragtag was a super cool idea . . . very creative!
Remember, the relationships between the characters are really important. When you introduce your characters in your story, you should think about how you can hint at tension or conflict between characters. Character are a great way to increase tension by showing characters that disagree or are angry at each other, but you need to show or mention the incident that caused those hard feelings, then later in the story you can have these characters help each other, and start being friends; that can be part of your character arch. Remember, characters are super important, and they’re more important that plot or battle scenes. The more you reveal your characters to your readers, the more they will empathize with them and root for your hero; that will draw the reader into your story and make it so they can’t put it down.
You did a great job on this story, keep the creativity flowing!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-dreziks-dragon-cheetah-story/
Mark
I loved your story, a ragtag was a super cool idea . . . very creative!
Remember, the relationships between the characters are really important. When you introduce your characters in your story, you should think about how you can hint at tension or conflict between characters. Character are a great way to increase tension by showing characters that disagree or are angry at each other, but you need to show or mention the incident that caused those hard feelings, then later in the story you can have these characters help each other, and start being friends; that can be part of your character arch. Remember, characters are super important, and they’re more important that plot or battle scenes. The more you reveal your characters to your readers, the more they will empathize with them and root for your hero; that will draw the reader into your story and make it so they can’t put it down.
You did a great job on this story, keep the creativity flowing!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-dreziks-dragon-cheetah-story/
Mark
**Reese,
I liked your home alone story, it was cool.
It was cool when you had the bother arrive into the story. When I’ve had a surprise character appear in a story, I like to tell some things about the character, and slowly reveal information about the character before. I like to also mention how it would be impossible for the character to come into the story, so that when they do come into the story, it’s a bigger thing, but their appearance means something important. Maybe they escaped from being a prisoner by the bad guy, or maybe their appearance means the failed out of school, or . . . You want to make the appearance of a new character be a meaningful thing that adds to the story and reveals something about the other characters.
Great job on your story.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/reese-has-a-new-story-check-it-out/
I liked your home alone story, it was cool.
It was cool when you had the bother arrive into the story. When I’ve had a surprise character appear in a story, I like to tell some things about the character, and slowly reveal information about the character before. I like to also mention how it would be impossible for the character to come into the story, so that when they do come into the story, it’s a bigger thing, but their appearance means something important. Maybe they escaped from being a prisoner by the bad guy, or maybe their appearance means the failed out of school, or . . . You want to make the appearance of a new character be a meaningful thing that adds to the story and reveals something about the other characters.
Great job on your story.
Mark
http://markcheverton.com/reese-has-a-new-story-check-it-out/
**Daniel,
I really enjoyed your dragon story. You did a great job of keeping the tension increasing and throwing obstacles in front of your protagonist.
Dragons are such cool creatures; I wonder what yours looked like? Were the eyes like sparkling diamonds, or like shadowy coal? Did it have tiny claws at the end of it’s wings. Does it have scales, if so, what do they sound like when it’s moving its talk around, do the scales slide over each other. Does the dragon have spikes on its tale. Creatures like dragons give you a great opportunity to show it to the reader, through the protagonist’s senses. In your next story, think about how you could describe the surroundings and the other characters with your senses. It will draw your reader deeper into your story.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-daniels-dragon-story/
Mark
I really enjoyed your dragon story. You did a great job of keeping the tension increasing and throwing obstacles in front of your protagonist.
Dragons are such cool creatures; I wonder what yours looked like? Were the eyes like sparkling diamonds, or like shadowy coal? Did it have tiny claws at the end of it’s wings. Does it have scales, if so, what do they sound like when it’s moving its talk around, do the scales slide over each other. Does the dragon have spikes on its tale. Creatures like dragons give you a great opportunity to show it to the reader, through the protagonist’s senses. In your next story, think about how you could describe the surroundings and the other characters with your senses. It will draw your reader deeper into your story.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-daniels-dragon-story/
Mark
**Hi Diamond,
Your story was super creative. Mermaids and Mermen are a cool idea for a story, very creative.
When I think of mermaids, I think of all the cool things you might see underwater. Google underwater images and see what you can find. I can imagine what it would look like to swim through kelp, or through underwater caves, or what the sandy sea floor what look like. In your next story, close your eyes and think about what it would look like and feel like, if you were your character. If you can’t imagine what it would look or feel like, then your reader can’t either, and that’s important. Sensory things will draw your reader into the story and keep them interested.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-underwater-story-by-diamond/
Mark
Your story was super creative. Mermaids and Mermen are a cool idea for a story, very creative.
When I think of mermaids, I think of all the cool things you might see underwater. Google underwater images and see what you can find. I can imagine what it would look like to swim through kelp, or through underwater caves, or what the sandy sea floor what look like. In your next story, close your eyes and think about what it would look like and feel like, if you were your character. If you can’t imagine what it would look or feel like, then your reader can’t either, and that’s important. Sensory things will draw your reader into the story and keep them interested.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/i-like-this-underwater-story-by-diamond/
Mark
**Autumn,
I loved your story. It was a great surprise when I realized that Aphrodite was the Aphrodite, and there were other gods in the story, that was cool.
When you had the character go to Mount Olympus, you mentioned there were flowers, that was great, but what else can you describe, like what did the flowers smell like. I always imagine mount Olympus in the clouds, maybe, and everything was sparkly and shiny. What sounds would you hear? Angles singing? Wind chimes? Maybe just the wind. The more you can describe with your senses, the more the reader will be captured by your story. Think about that in your next story.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-from-autumn/
Mark
I loved your story. It was a great surprise when I realized that Aphrodite was the Aphrodite, and there were other gods in the story, that was cool.
When you had the character go to Mount Olympus, you mentioned there were flowers, that was great, but what else can you describe, like what did the flowers smell like. I always imagine mount Olympus in the clouds, maybe, and everything was sparkly and shiny. What sounds would you hear? Angles singing? Wind chimes? Maybe just the wind. The more you can describe with your senses, the more the reader will be captured by your story. Think about that in your next story.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-this-story-from-autumn/
Mark
**Hi Finley,
I loved your story . . . It was great the way you showed your character was nervous by describing her sweating and fiddling with her hair, that was a million times better than just saying, she was nervous.
When you describe your character, instead of just telling the reader what they look like, maybe you can have the character look into a mirror so we see her appearance through the character’s eyes. Her hair is tangled and not combed, because the lights are out, Her bright blue eyes look like . . . diamonds? Blue lasers? Maybe give her a little scar on her chin from that time when . . . . something happened. This little bit of history and these descriptions, through the character’s eyes, will draw them into the scene. I like to have my characters in Minecraft look down into a pool of water, and describe the image staring back at them.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-finley/
Mark
I loved your story . . . It was great the way you showed your character was nervous by describing her sweating and fiddling with her hair, that was a million times better than just saying, she was nervous.
When you describe your character, instead of just telling the reader what they look like, maybe you can have the character look into a mirror so we see her appearance through the character’s eyes. Her hair is tangled and not combed, because the lights are out, Her bright blue eyes look like . . . diamonds? Blue lasers? Maybe give her a little scar on her chin from that time when . . . . something happened. This little bit of history and these descriptions, through the character’s eyes, will draw them into the scene. I like to have my characters in Minecraft look down into a pool of water, and describe the image staring back at them.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-a-cool-story-from-finley/
Mark
**Hi Emma,
Your story was super cool. You did a great job at keeping the story moving so there was no place where I wanted to stop reading a take a break from it. Good job.
In your next story, ask yourself, did I put the reader into the setting. If you give some details about where they are in the story, it helps the reader to put the setting into their imaginations. For examples, was there something specific you could have told about the costumes, like the horn on the unicorn, what did it look like, did it sparkle . . . These kind of sensory details help the reader become part of the story. Think about that in your next masterpiece.
Great Job!!!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-story-from-emma/
Mark
Your story was super cool. You did a great job at keeping the story moving so there was no place where I wanted to stop reading a take a break from it. Good job.
In your next story, ask yourself, did I put the reader into the setting. If you give some details about where they are in the story, it helps the reader to put the setting into their imaginations. For examples, was there something specific you could have told about the costumes, like the horn on the unicorn, what did it look like, did it sparkle . . . These kind of sensory details help the reader become part of the story. Think about that in your next masterpiece.
Great Job!!!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-story-from-emma/
Mark
**Hi Luke,
I loved your bike story. You did a great job at increasing the tension all throughout the story.
You did a fantastic job at mentioning all the security around the house. In your next story, I’d like you to think, did you tell what it looked like; was there barbed wire, blinking light, cameras, sensors? Was there a buzzing sound around the fence because of all the electronics? More sensory input is aways a good thing.
I loved the ending, where you said the character went back to having a normal life . . . that’s your character arc. If you show a character getting something at the end of the story, then you need to show it’s absent at the beginning of the story. You could mention, after the bike gets stolen, maybe you show the character upset, because he just wants a normal life. Then you have him say something to his mom, that he wishes he just had a normal life. Then after all the security devices are installed, he is finally happy, because he gets his normal life. Show it absent at the beginning, then show he gets it at the end, that can be a very effective character arc.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-lukes-story-about-his-bike/
Mark
I loved your bike story. You did a great job at increasing the tension all throughout the story.
You did a fantastic job at mentioning all the security around the house. In your next story, I’d like you to think, did you tell what it looked like; was there barbed wire, blinking light, cameras, sensors? Was there a buzzing sound around the fence because of all the electronics? More sensory input is aways a good thing.
I loved the ending, where you said the character went back to having a normal life . . . that’s your character arc. If you show a character getting something at the end of the story, then you need to show it’s absent at the beginning of the story. You could mention, after the bike gets stolen, maybe you show the character upset, because he just wants a normal life. Then you have him say something to his mom, that he wishes he just had a normal life. Then after all the security devices are installed, he is finally happy, because he gets his normal life. Show it absent at the beginning, then show he gets it at the end, that can be a very effective character arc.
Great job!
http://markcheverton.com/check-out-lukes-story-about-his-bike/
Mark
**Will,
Your animal story was super cool. You did a great job of increasing the tension and throwing new obstacles in front of the character.
If you do another story about animals, you should think about how to create a personality for each animal that matches their appearance. This is called Allegory, and is a difficult technique to master in writing, but can be super cool if you get it right. For example, the doberman could talk like a big strong person, the smaller dogs are maybe weak and afraid, the greyhound talks fast in really short sentences, a fat bulldog talks slow and uses big, long words . . . Think about their appearance, then make their personalities match that appearance, it can draw the reader even deeper into your characters.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-dog-story-from-will/
Your animal story was super cool. You did a great job of increasing the tension and throwing new obstacles in front of the character.
If you do another story about animals, you should think about how to create a personality for each animal that matches their appearance. This is called Allegory, and is a difficult technique to master in writing, but can be super cool if you get it right. For example, the doberman could talk like a big strong person, the smaller dogs are maybe weak and afraid, the greyhound talks fast in really short sentences, a fat bulldog talks slow and uses big, long words . . . Think about their appearance, then make their personalities match that appearance, it can draw the reader even deeper into your characters.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-cool-dog-story-from-will/
**Madison, I loved your story!
It’s important to keep increasing the tension all throughout a story, and you did a great job with that!
I liked the surprise of having the fish die and the princess being upset at the end, but if you are trying to get the readers to squeeze out a couple of tears over this, then you need to create a strong relationship between the princess and the fish. Maybe there a story about the fish and why it’s so important to the princess. Maybe her mother gave it to her on the day the Queen died? Maybe the princess found the fish on the day assassins tried to kill her father. Maybe she found the fish on the day when she escaped the high tower where she was a prisoner??? You need to make the reader feel sorry for the princess over what happened to her, and understand what the fish means to her, then when the fish dies, it will have an emotional impact on the reader. Think about that when you write your next story.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-new-adventure-story-from-madison/
Great job with adding the distinctive details to Zeak, the scar and gold tooth, that made it easy for me to imagine what he looked like!
Mark
It’s important to keep increasing the tension all throughout a story, and you did a great job with that!
I liked the surprise of having the fish die and the princess being upset at the end, but if you are trying to get the readers to squeeze out a couple of tears over this, then you need to create a strong relationship between the princess and the fish. Maybe there a story about the fish and why it’s so important to the princess. Maybe her mother gave it to her on the day the Queen died? Maybe the princess found the fish on the day assassins tried to kill her father. Maybe she found the fish on the day when she escaped the high tower where she was a prisoner??? You need to make the reader feel sorry for the princess over what happened to her, and understand what the fish means to her, then when the fish dies, it will have an emotional impact on the reader. Think about that when you write your next story.
Great work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-a-new-adventure-story-from-madison/
Great job with adding the distinctive details to Zeak, the scar and gold tooth, that made it easy for me to imagine what he looked like!
Mark
**Allie,
You did a great job on your story, though I think Zeke and Abigail need to learn about Stranger Danger!!!
I liked how you jumped around between the point of view (pov) of the kids, then the cops, then the parents, that was awesome. The cool think about switching pov is that you can leave some kind of plot question at the end of the chapter, then switch to the new pov and make the reader wait to see what happens. For example, you had the cop telling the parents to stay at home, because it was dangerous, which was as great way to add tension, but that isn’t really a plot question. You might end that chapter with “Those parents have no idea what the criminal will do to them if they get captured.” Or something like that. You hint not just that it’s dangerous, but also that the kidnapper is super dangerous and will hurt them if they get captured. That will raise the tension at the end of the story even more.
I bet if you go back and look at the end of the chapters, right before you shift pov, you can think of a plot question that will make the reader wonder what will happen next. You don’t’ have to do this at the end of every chapter, in fact, you don’t want to do that, because the reader will start to expect it and it will get boring, but think about this, plot questions right before pov shift can be a powerful tool to add to your Batman writing utility belt once you get it mastered.
Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-allies-new-stranger-danger-story/
Mark
You did a great job on your story, though I think Zeke and Abigail need to learn about Stranger Danger!!!
I liked how you jumped around between the point of view (pov) of the kids, then the cops, then the parents, that was awesome. The cool think about switching pov is that you can leave some kind of plot question at the end of the chapter, then switch to the new pov and make the reader wait to see what happens. For example, you had the cop telling the parents to stay at home, because it was dangerous, which was as great way to add tension, but that isn’t really a plot question. You might end that chapter with “Those parents have no idea what the criminal will do to them if they get captured.” Or something like that. You hint not just that it’s dangerous, but also that the kidnapper is super dangerous and will hurt them if they get captured. That will raise the tension at the end of the story even more.
I bet if you go back and look at the end of the chapters, right before you shift pov, you can think of a plot question that will make the reader wonder what will happen next. You don’t’ have to do this at the end of every chapter, in fact, you don’t want to do that, because the reader will start to expect it and it will get boring, but think about this, plot questions right before pov shift can be a powerful tool to add to your Batman writing utility belt once you get it mastered.
Good job!
http://markcheverton.com/heres-allies-new-stranger-danger-story/
Mark
**Addison,
Excellent job on your story. You did a great job at increasing the tension and also describing the setting. I like the description of the shadows leaking from the sky . . . awesome line! You also had some cool descriptions of the spiny vines, and the Captain Raved! Cool word choice. The one thing you forgot, which is also the thing I always forget about as well, and that’s the sounds. You could have the robbers hear the police sirens as they’re trying to escape. Are there sounds in the timber? Maybe birds or animals? Sounds are a good way to pull the reader into your story because you can say, the birds chirped like an angry crowd at a bad movie. Everyone can imagine what an angry crowd sounds like, and we can imagine what birds chirping sound like. Sounds are a strong way of pulling the reader in, and not letting them escape. Think about that with your next story.
Fantastic work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-addisons-new-bank-robbery-story/
Mark
Excellent job on your story. You did a great job at increasing the tension and also describing the setting. I like the description of the shadows leaking from the sky . . . awesome line! You also had some cool descriptions of the spiny vines, and the Captain Raved! Cool word choice. The one thing you forgot, which is also the thing I always forget about as well, and that’s the sounds. You could have the robbers hear the police sirens as they’re trying to escape. Are there sounds in the timber? Maybe birds or animals? Sounds are a good way to pull the reader into your story because you can say, the birds chirped like an angry crowd at a bad movie. Everyone can imagine what an angry crowd sounds like, and we can imagine what birds chirping sound like. Sounds are a strong way of pulling the reader in, and not letting them escape. Think about that with your next story.
Fantastic work!
http://markcheverton.com/this-is-addisons-new-bank-robbery-story/
Mark